Tuesday, October 31, 2006 i don't know why i keep getting the feeling that i'm being ignored. sigh.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love Te ni shita chizu wa
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love i've never really found a place that i call home
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love y'know, it's strange. i never really thought about it before but it's kinda sinking in now.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love it's been left there for such a fucking long time, and NOW you choose to look for it? and then when you can't find it, you blame me?! what the hell is that kind of logic!! i'm not the only one who's at home! how about nicolas? no, you fucking blame me and me only! what the hell is wrong with you?! you think i have so much free time to just go and hide your precious things meh?! i'm not so damn childish okay? so you don't yell at me just because your things go missing. I DIDN'T TAKE THEM. I TAKE FOR FUCK.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love if a picture paints a thousand words
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love i wish that you'd lie to me
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love how wonderfully emo i have been for the past few days!
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love dear nat,
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love daisuki desu yo.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love my father's not gonna be in singapore for my and my brother's birthdays.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love no matter how hard i try, i always fail in the end.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love you think just an apology like that can solve all the problems? you think just the word "sorry" can mend friendships and start people over on a new slate? you think just a sms can make us forget about what you have done, all the trouble you have caused?
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love thank you kuroichou for the lovely day.
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love
at
9:00 PM
Furuku natte iku bakari
Boku no ushiro ni
Michi wa dekiru no dakara
Say goodbye to younger days...
and I say hello the real world, the real life!
Sou ieru hi made
Boku wa kaera nai yo
Setsuna sa wo yasashi sa ni kaeru
Deai no kiseki dake wo mitsumetai
Kimi no tame ni dekiru koto
Wakari hajimete kita mitai da
Boku ga boku de iru koto ga
Futari musunderu kizuna
Uso no yowasa wa
Jikan ga oshiete kureta
Koi no chikara wa
Kimi ga oshiete kureta
Samishi sa ni make sou na yoru ni wa
Omoide kaki atsumeru boku dakedo
Kimi no tame ni dekiru koto
Kujikechai sou ni naru keredo
Kodoku kidoru wake ja nakute
Kaze ni fukaretai dake
Ima no boku ni dekiru koto
Sonna ni ooku wa nai keredo
Wakaregiwa ni utsumuiteta kimi wo
Warawasetai dake
Itami ga aru kara yorokobi ga aru
Namida no tsubu ga egao wo tsukuru
Dakara mou kore ijou
Nanimo kowagara nakute ii
Kimi no tame ni dekiru koto
Wakari hajimete kita mitai da
Yume wo yume de owarase nai chikara
Tashikametakute
Toki ga kako ni naru mae ni
Tadori tsukitai basho ga aru yo
Boku ga boku de iru koto ga
Futari musunderu kizuna
(chorus)
I’m gonna be on my way
Bye bye, my younger days
Now wipe your tears away
at
9:14 PM
i never stick around quite long enough to make it
i apologise but once again i'm not in love
but it's not as if i mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking
it's just a thought, only a thought
but if my life is for rent
and i don't look to buy
then i desire nothing more than i get
'cause nothing i have is truely mine
always thought that i would love to live by the sea
to travel the world alone and live more simply
i have no idea what's happened to the dream
but there's really nothing left here to stop me
it's just a thought, only a thought
but if my life is for rent
and i don't look to buy
then i desire nothing more than i get
'cause nothing i have is truely mine
sometimes i wonder.
at
11:34 AM
when i first graduated from tkgs, i had a problem talking to guys.. it was quite bad, anyone who knew me in the first few months of JC would know. could barely open my mouth to talk to them. which was quite sad, really. i don't know when i started to cope, and i don't know how i started to cope, but looking at myself today, i find it strange. my two best friends in school are guys. many of my good cosplay friends are guys. i mean.. i don't know since when i was comfortable hanging around guys. i can open up to guys, talk to guys, laugh, joke, fool around with guys. and then guys start to treat me like a guy. sigh.
okay, just treat this like a little rant of mine, but i really love the way things are now, and i don't want things to ever change. i don't want us to change, i don't want this to change. i want things to stay the way they are now, no matter how impossible it is.. sigh.
i ask for too much, sometimes.
at
6:02 PM
ya, just go away and die can.
at
8:08 PM
then why can't i paint you?
the words can never show
the you i've come to know.
if a face could launch a thousand ships
then where am i to go?
there's no one home but you
you're all that's left me too.
and when my love for life is running dry
you come and pour yourself on me
if a man could be two places at one time
i'd be with you
forever and a day
beside you all the way
if the world should stop revolving
spinning slowly down to die
i'd spend the end with you
and when the world was through
and one by one the stars will all go out
then you and i will simply fly away
sigh.. kinda miss him.
at
8:51 AM
using gentle words to shelter me
your words are like a dream
and dreams can always fool me
it's all right to me.
i'm acting so different now
just to watch as you walk away
and i was listening
that you fought your battles not for me
it's all right to me.
"i don't know if i will come back"
i could hear you speaking as you walk to the door
i have to be strong
to hide the pain
when i turn back the pages
crying might have been the answer
what if i shed my tears and beg you not to leave
and now i'm still afraid
to do what's in my heart
those thousand words
will never be spoken
so far away
i'm sending them to you where ever you are
suspended on shining wings
those thousand words
will never be spoken
they cradle you
but yet you still seem so far away
and lose you forever
that dream isn't over yet
i pretend and say, "i don't regret"
i still live in my day
you weren't with me all the way
it's all right to me
"i don't know if i will write to you"
i could see you speaking as you look away
i acted strong
to hide the love
when i turn back the pages
anger might have been the answer
but i wouldn't shake my head and say that i can't wait
and now i'm still afraid
to do what's in my heart
those thousand words
will never be spoken
so far away
i'm sending them to you where ever you are
suspended on shining wings
those thousand words
will never be spoken
they cradle you
but yet you still seem so far away
and lose you forever
those thousand words
will never be spoken
lalalala
i'm sending them to you where ever you are
suspended on shining wings
those thousand words
will never be spoken
lalalala
making all of that years feel like lonely days
lalalala~
at
1:20 PM
school sucks, life sucks, love life sucks. very few people have made me really laugh, not the fake laughs and smiles i put on when i go to school or go out. i feel like i'm starting to hide behind a mask again, like i did when i was, well, younger. i want to tell people, or some people, but there are always limits to how much i can say, how much others will let me say, and how much they will listed. there is, of course, always the question of how much they will understand.
i hurt with each word you say, i bleed with each moment i cannot see you.
haha i can't even remember the last time i felt this way. perhaps over mata? i don't know. i can't remember, i've got a bad memory. sigh.
so much for waiting for the right moment. so much for waiting for everything to be perfect. so much for taking things slowly..
it's only resulted in me missing chances. chances that i'll never have ever again.
it's always the same situation for me. i always wait too long then lose out to some other girl/person. you'd think from past experiences i would have learned.. apparently, i have learned nothing. i'm still stupidly waiting.
and how long more shall i wait before i decide to actually DO something about it?!
at
7:58 AM
you are a loser. haven't you ever realised that? you always decide you want something, then find out that you're too late, all the time.
too late, all the time!
and now that the things that you want cannot belong to you, what will you do? sit and wait? try and make it yours? cry and feel depressed? and why are you thinking about him as if he's some kind of object?
he makes his own choices too and you're silly for not opening your mouth earlier. take things slow, pfffft. what nonsense. are you going to wait, now? wait for what? what's the point of doing so? would it make you happier? would it make it hurt any less? no. so move on with life.
why are you so attached to each and every one of them? sometimes emotional attachment is a burdan. so why do you still continue the way you do?
you're a loser and you know it.
you just want to continue this way.
at
6:22 AM
at
8:51 AM
right. thanks a lot.
anyway, i'm feeling pretty good.. X3 got some stuffs lined up for next year already, cosplay plans and such.. XD after the completion of my a levels.. *shrugs* oh well. looks to be a busy year though, my first photoshoot for next year will probably be around april/may, latest will be june.. then cosfest.. wonder if cosfest will really be two days long? hope so.. X3 then i can do two different costumes.. XD but this means gym gym gym for me.. need to lose the flab =x
been having bad stomachache for the past few days.. and diorreah.. dunno what's wrong with me.. sigh.. first headaches, then now stomacheache.. i think my body's going crazy liao.
sigh..
at
10:58 PM
today, i don't tell myself that anymore.. i seem to have made a breakthrough.. and i'm glad for it..
on the other hand.. i just don't understand why you have to keep doing this to me..
i HATE the way he always pops out of nowhere to say/do things that always makes me worry.
what the hell is wrong with him?!
can't i even have a peace of mind once in a while?!
god damn it!
"you're the last person i say goodbye to.."
what the hell is that supposed to mean?!
"i'm not gonna do anything stupid.."
yeah right.
"till next time, if there is a next time.."
WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?!
you never told me anything, and you expected me not to worry.
even up till now you still do things that make me question and worry about you.
can't i have a little peace sometimes?! a little peace of mind?!
a time when i don't have to worry what's gonna happen to you?!
you and your stupid running away from home stunt..
look what happened!
have you NOT LEARNED!!!!
sigh..
[end tant]
made my own lunch, i think it kinda turned out okay. =) okonomiyaki!
meeting wuwu and maybe adrian later at 1.. =)
i love kuroichou.
at
11:12 AM
i'm not gonna accept such a simple "explaination" from you.
not now, not ever.
you brought the animosity of the team upon yourself, it's now your problem, so don't come crying to us, to me, ever again.
i really really hate cheap people like you, who can say one thing and do another. people like you aren't worth forgiving.
at
1:41 PM
i'll always remember =)
yes, tenjin, i'll fix that puzzle after my exams, promise! ^___^
the bond of friendship we all share is so special, so special, that nothing can touch us.. nothing shall come between us, because we share more than our time.. we share our thoughts, our feelings, our hopes and dreams. we share our very lives with each other.. outside of school, it's kuroichou that cheers me up, keeps me happy. =) the time i spend with kuroichou makes my life special, makes me feel like life is worth living..
thank you, each and every one of you.
to wuwu and hii-chan: i don't think i've ever had closer friends in the cosplay group. you guys are a really big part of my life and i feel like i want to remember every second i spend with you. =) haha thanks for listening to me when i rant sometimes, and i'll always be here for you to rant at too. ^___^ i really love the two of you lots. =) *huggles tightly*
to tenjin: wahlao never tell me you are tenjin.. pwn liao lah.. haha.. anyway, thanks for coming yesterday.. really appreciate it(now are you gonna remind aries that my birthday is coming?? XD)! and thanks, i love the puzzle! actually i've been eyeing it for a while.. haha. thanks. =)
to elie: long time no see and then you pop out of nowhere. haha! it was really really great to see you again, and you're just as abnormal as ever. i think our table was the craziest(oh wait, we WERE) at kfc.. and it's all your fault because adrian wanted to make you high. ok that sounds wrong too.. haha.. now everything sounds wrong lah can. thanks. XD
to charmaine: *hugs* even though you had to go early, i'm really glad that you came. =) thanks.
to edo: 8D that smiley is really all i have to say.. haha! thanks for originally organising the outing yesterday and although it didn't really turn out well, i'm glad we all still had a good time yesterday.. RED DOT ON YOUR SHIRT THAT BECAME BROWN! =x
to yoshi-kun: ara! *huggles* thank you for coming! try not to catch the y-virus but in the end you caught the "think-of-everything-in-the-wrong-way" virus right.. XD all elie's fault! haha.. thanks again for coming.
to marik: mama! you never tell hii-chan it's rude to point at people! XD oh well.. haha.. thanks for coming also! ^__^ of course, which kid's celebration will be complete without gin mama there.. haha.. next time drag papa come also la! long time never see aizen papa liao.. lol.. thanks for coming, really.. =)
to adrian: thanks for coming. it really meant a lot to me to see you, all of you, there yesterday. =) and haha oh my god i didn't know your brain was so wrongly linked until you sat down next to elie! O_O there goes my innocent impression of adrian.. LOL well.. thanks for coming. really appreciate it. and cheer up, smile more! god knows i'm in love with your smile.
thank you once again minna.. this is really one day i won't soon forget.. =)
I LOVE YOU ALL. VERY VERY MUCH. =)
THANK YOU, KUROICHOU!
at
8:10 AM
`tagboard*
