Sunday, September 17, 2006 yes, i AM upset with you. it took you three hours to realise that?
[ ` s e
a r c
h i n
g * ] for love
maybe not you per se. but the fact that there are people who think you're inadequate is already enough to make anyone upset. you didn't mean it, perhaps, i know that, but yes, the way you put things just made me feel worse. it's not that i don't appreciate you trying to help out. it's just that i'm fucking exhausted of all the conflicts and everything that's fucking weighing down on me that i just feel terrible, okay?! i feel horrible. i feel like i could just cry on the spot when you said what you did. i felt like melting into the seats of the bus. i felt like just dying and just.. just.. argh!
i'm frustrated, okay? even if i AM upset, i do need time to cool down too! don't you understand that? instead you get so riled up at the thought of others thinking you're a bastard or a fucker or whatever you think people think you are. you get so riled up you end up shouting at me instead.
AND GUESS WHAT?
i let you.
why?
i don't know.
and honestly.. i don't want to know. the way i quarrel with you sounded like the way i used to quarrel with mata. i hate it.. i seriously hate it, okay? i don't want to quarrel with anyone, not in that way.
right now it's just cutting so deep.. i hate the fact that i feel useless, all right? i hate the fact that people find me useless and make me feel as such. i hate the fact that i can't do anything about it when my responsibility is crumbling in my hands and i have to let someone else take over.
yes, i hate feeling useless.
i know you probably didn't mean to upset me, but i got upset. maybe it's my fault, ok? maybe it's my fault. i'm not asking you to apologise or anything.. really.
go ahead.
please.
now please leave me alone for a bit so i can cry.
at
9:25 PM
`tagboard*
