*what____is love`?

Saturday, September 30, 2006

tomorrow, wuwu and i are celebrating our birthdays. =)

kinda glad we decided to keep this kuroichou'06 instead of extending it to kuroichou'07. i've never really been comfortable with the newer people(yes i'm not afraid to let them know either), and it's strange to have the new ones isolating themselves in a corner when we talk because they don't know us like we know us.

i can actually look forward to tomorrow.. finally. =) just when i thought things were bad, this happens and makes it all better. i'm happier now, really. despite all the nonsense that is going on, i'm actually happy now.

yes, i'm cheery and joyful and i'm actually singing again, despite my bad throat!

and i can sing the ending song of suzumiya haruhi! ^__^ which makes me happy because hii-chan said she'll dance the ending dance when she hears the song *sniggers* but i still can't remember the lyrics yet, though.

i love kuroichou'06. really, i do. i really don't want to know what my life would be like without you guys.. you guys practically mean the world to me. =)

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 9:12 PM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

keeping my distance.. avoid, avoid, avoid.
stay away.. sigh.

are these measures really necessary for me to stop thinking about *that*?

i didn't get around to kiss you
goodbye on the hand
i wish that i could see you again
i know that i can't...

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 9:15 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

two hours yesterday, two hours today..

i miss masa already.

haha.. see you in october, masa! ^__^

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 9:00 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

haha.. just thought i'd do this one more time. this one is really random conversations with many different people, not like the last one which was just me and one person.

she scold me she will be in good mood liaos.

i walk into gp today and find out i'm apparently running for council.

so should i run beside you?

i think i'm going canoeing this sat.

i sense interesting story.

ta-da, un-glam version of story.

me, julian, daniel, vickie, chong hui, christopher, etcetc

i'm always the only girl.. haha..

chey, i thought you see me so happy.

i INSIST that you are happy.

'fine. i shall get you a pink boxer with spongebob.'

i saw spongebob.

doesn't work that well dear.

finallyy you are onlineeeeee.

love u

mrrrrr. :3

so basically.. i woke up early for nothing..

hey, nat ah..

cheer up bah!

that got GAMES after band and encourage them to join.

you haven't showed me your cosplay photos yet.

cloud's sword is huge

WTF

i was like OMGWTFBBQ

really let's drag alot alot of people to go sing wif us

i'm 17 ,,v, (^^,)

nii chan orders you to take care of nee chan!

cos he say either barret or wakka, then wakka drefan take liao

hes too bishie

you wanna see the size of the sweater i've got on?

hi tatsuki chan

treat me like i never existed

that's not helping.

did you really expect me to agree to ignore you based on "no particular reason"?

if you don't want anyone to talk to you, you're the one who'd gonna have to ignore me.

you'll always have me.

you know i'll always be here.

you, before me.

because i care about you, damnit.

i won't do it.

i didn't even know she was gone =x

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 4:27 PM

Monday, September 18, 2006

haha.. it sounds like working with drefan has been my dream? because after i watched him make shunsui's shikais and saw his shunsui cosplay at eoy05, he's pretty much been my idol.. hehee!

man.. so cool! can work with him for final fantasy(he's doing wakka), fushigi yuugi(mitsukake) and soul calibur(mitsurugi).. wahahahaha! like dream come true? XD

i kinda don't wanna push my quistis back to eoy 07 because then i'd miss out on a photo op with drefan's wakka! =x but kuroichou.. and double cosplays are like hell..

there wouldn't be a problem, of course, if cosfest were two days long.. haha! wishful thinking?

aieeeee... go sort out your feelings and thoughts la nat! =x

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 9:20 PM

nah. ya can always rant at me la. ^^

as a friend, i don't want to see you sad.

you should say.. "nyaaaa"

...... >_<

nyaaaaaaaaaaa~~ >_<

'yes, really.'

up and down also not normal..

i shall sleep later and all will be fine.

haha.. i've never liked the abbreviation for 'welcome back'.

i am not trying to scare you lar...

back to vincent.

at that point in time i could have run and jumped around if i wanted to =x

had half a mind to go up to him and yell.

just shoot him until siao.

but she only comes into the picture later in the story.

(god he grew up THAT fast?!)

three?

someone who was really special to me for a while.

what happened between us is rather complicated.

hey nat you there?

hi nat.

morning nat.

WHO AM I?

that one come with super dua pai flash lor.

he's too nice to her.

i think i wasn't paying attention..

daylight robbery, i tell you.

OMG i rule.

morning.

topic of the day.

paiseh. capslock.

actually you are also.

so i went, "t-r-e-e-c-o-m..?"

yo nat.

all in the name of beauty.

girls look better with specs.

miracles do happen?

what about your classmates?

maybe they are used to typical guys.

i bite everyone and everything!

actually i feel she is.

what she thinks.. isn't my problem.

playboy or bastards.

did i say something wrong..?

she will never know if you choose never to tell her..

yeah, okay, yes daddy. ^^

if you wish to think about yourself that way.. i also got nothing to say..

i don't like the way you say it.

i will tell you to stand down.

will you listen?

but i can't find it in myself to decorate it in flowery language right now.

pretend i'm blind, mute and deaf?

thanks for bringing my religion into this.

you were angry? O_O i didn't know.

FUCK LAR

please don't poison them as revenge.

it's okay.

never mind la, it's okay, really.

i miss her.

let nature take its course(haha stupid phrase.)

what would be the point?

she forbids me to lay hands on him though =(

dunno where the other $1 come from.

cannot like that leh..

i got the wrong meaning again ._.

did you like.. speechless?

they will go.. nyuuu to the guy they like.

bucket meal lol!

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 5:55 PM

y'know, people have asked me if i like him because of the way i keep giving in to him. (wuwu and ee hern will know what this is about..)

honestly, i don't want to think of the implications of such a relationship.

and don't i give in to most other people in the same way? don't i let most other people use and abuse me in the same way?

perhaps i just complain more about a particular person.

but no. no relationship for me. thanks.

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 2:09 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006
argh!

yes, i AM upset with you. it took you three hours to realise that?

maybe not you per se. but the fact that there are people who think you're inadequate is already enough to make anyone upset. you didn't mean it, perhaps, i know that, but yes, the way you put things just made me feel worse. it's not that i don't appreciate you trying to help out. it's just that i'm fucking exhausted of all the conflicts and everything that's fucking weighing down on me that i just feel terrible, okay?! i feel horrible. i feel like i could just cry on the spot when you said what you did. i felt like melting into the seats of the bus. i felt like just dying and just.. just.. argh!

i'm frustrated, okay? even if i AM upset, i do need time to cool down too! don't you understand that? instead you get so riled up at the thought of others thinking you're a bastard or a fucker or whatever you think people think you are. you get so riled up you end up shouting at me instead.

AND GUESS WHAT?

i let you.

why?

i don't know.

and honestly.. i don't want to know. the way i quarrel with you sounded like the way i used to quarrel with mata. i hate it.. i seriously hate it, okay? i don't want to quarrel with anyone, not in that way.

right now it's just cutting so deep.. i hate the fact that i feel useless, all right? i hate the fact that people find me useless and make me feel as such. i hate the fact that i can't do anything about it when my responsibility is crumbling in my hands and i have to let someone else take over.

yes, i hate feeling useless.

i know you probably didn't mean to upset me, but i got upset. maybe it's my fault, ok? maybe it's my fault. i'm not asking you to apologise or anything.. really.

go ahead.

please.

now please leave me alone for a bit so i can cry.

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 9:25 PM

Saturday, September 16, 2006
ai yori aoshi

was just watching the first ep of ai yori aoshi on youtube just now.. apparently singapore censored the opening which has an image of naked aoi-chan. and i wondered why the same scene in the opening was played twice.. well, now i know.

it's a pretty interesting anime. it's loads of fun, and ep 20(which aired on channel u at 4.30 today) was really touching. =)

gacked many pretty icons from alphie today! so now my icon collection has pretty much doubled, maybe even tripled. went on a gacking spree with her ouran icons. hehee..

okay, i'm off to watch more anime.

tomorrow's the waseda high open house.. hope we'll have fun there tomorrow! =)

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 5:15 PM

things i'll never say.

I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My checks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

[pre-Chorus]
Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If ain't coming out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just
Tell you that I care

[pre-Chorus]
Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

What's wrong
With my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I start up
I stumble
Like I've got nothing to say

[pre-Chorus]
Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You're worth it
Yeah

[Chorus]
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 11:27 AM

Thursday, September 14, 2006
spoiler! =x

usagi told me:
"Enemy (IceRinger): My Wingtip Bullets have a maximum autofire rate of 108 shots. Let's just take it slow and see how long you last.

Ishida: I see. Then I'll teach you something as well. My bow's maximum autofire rate is...

Ishida: ...1,200 shots."

w00t pwnage! but spoiler nonetheless; however i'm quite up-to-date with the manga right now so i'm not that lost anymore.

anyway, i did mention that i'd blog about yesterday, so here goes.

~The Melancholy of Usagi-san~ - [http://hexlord.multiply.com] says:
maybe even faster knitting technique? XD

ha. ha.
anyway.

met hii-chan at 2pm at white sands comics coonection.. then we took a train down and met wuwu at city fall, after which we went to orchard.

went to artfriends to check out some materials for the stuff that i need to get as part of my orfas, ***** cosplay.. the things are so expensive i'm not sure if i'll have enough cash to buy and make in time for photoshoot and eoy. i just hope can make it.. haha.

no problem one! i can do it! X3

discussed alternative materials.. decided to get my stuff elsewhere? yup.. so we went to taka basement because i wanted to get sushi.. mm.. haha!

then OMG. all the mooncake displays~! three of us went wandering around and tasting like crazy~!! XD i liked the
-strawberry chocolate
-red wine
-durian
mooncakes~!! all snowskin de.. haha! we all "tasted" and "sampled" till we were, uh, full.. lol! but they were so, so nice~~

party, anyone?

anyway.. after that we walked to cine, then went up to this stall on the second floor selling bleach/naruto merchandise.. nope, not rapidculture, just a random stall there..

i didn't know that:
-urahara(bleach) wears a black tee, jeans, specs and is the captain of the 8th division, and his cap has a price tag on the back.
-sakura(naruto) wears jeans and has black hair.

oh my goodness!

we saw stuff there too.. haha.. i think abit cannot make it, but anyway. luckily we had pictures for reference or we might have missed them altogether.

well anyway.. after that we walked to plaza sing, where we bought a small cake for mama's birthday XD then we headed to chinatown to wait for mama and nichol..

dinner was a crazy affair.. filled with jokes about herbal pads, oreos, etc etc. XD i don't remember when was the last time i laughed this hard, we were all laughing till we had tears.. especially poor nichol.. haha! she has been pwnd by our lame jokes! haha..

well.. it was really really fun. hii-chan's got the pictures, and she just sent them to me.

i miss kuroichou..

okay. i was supposed to go to the tailor today.. but i didn't because i'm feeling alone and bored and yeah just plain lazy. so here i am.

i'm going with fongfong tomorrow though. so that's okay. =)

EOY AND KUROICHOU PHOTOSHOOT HERE I COME!

i just hope that the tailor understands what i want from my ***** costume.. hahahahah!!

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 2:20 PM

sigh.

i tried to talk to him, was it yesterday or a few days ago? anyway, two years and nine months.. and all it has come down to is one word answers.. after less than five words the conversation just.. died.

i know that it was like that before, but the fact that he probably doesn't care any more really hurts me.. i try to talk to him, but he's not interested. sometimes all i really want is for him to talk to me again.. i just realied(again) how much it really hurts.

i don't really understand why things turned out the way they did, but this is the situation now. he won't talk to me, much less look at me again..

sigh. i should have taken that chance when he offered it to me.. now i'll never know.. because he'll never look at me again.. he probably can't get over me not choosing him ba.. but back then it was complicated.. it was tough for me too.. it wasn't that i didn't want to.. i really really wanted to. i still want to. i want to find out how it's like, you know.. but i guess i missed my chance le..

i can only hope that things will "repeat" again and that you'll start talking to me..

but i guess.. seeing the way things are now, worse than they were last year or the year before.. i guess that's not a very big possibility? =(

ah~!!! nat shall stop emo-ing~!! haha..

oh well.

i'll always remember.. the me beneath the facade.

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 10:14 AM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
wouldn't it be nice?

well.. it's been a while, yes?

currently in the middle of my prelim exams, it's a real pain.. my papers haven't been going well for me. banking on my eigenvectors but i failed to complete the TWO questions on the topic.. sheesh.. like that how to pass..

haha.. guess i've kinda been busy with my lj ba.. making one-person-posts and stuff like that.. sometimes i guess i need someone to talk to, but i can't really tell them face to face.. so yeah.. yogi's been really nice.. i miss him and marcus.

friends forever, just like we promised. =)

it's kinda hard, i guess. i mean.. it's not often i go crazy over some guy. it's only happened three times in my life when i really went crazy.. haha.. and all three times i got rejected. why leh? i'm not sure either.. haha.. maybe it's just my personality that puts them off ba. then when i try to settle for the people who actually like me.. it doesn't seem to work out. my past three relationships have taught me that much.. but i don't think i'll ever go chase a guy again..

well.. tonight i had dinner with haru, nichol, wuwu and hii-chan.. it was really fun~! i don't think i've ever laughed so hard for a very long time.. well, certainly not recently.

i hope marcus, yogendran and i will have such fond memories. =) i miss you two lots, really.

life is screwed. i'm looking at 3 F's for prelims, and a broken heart.. haha..

but i guess.. things will get better? maybe ba.. =)

hopefully.

well, that's all ba. i suppose i'll blog a little later on~ haha..

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 10:30 PM

Monday, September 04, 2006
me and teh plot bunnies.

XD

[nat`] - it's like the tough girl and the geek. [lol i'm having fun with my ishida/tatsuki drabbles] says:
i love plot bunnies!
[nat`] - it's like the tough girl and the geek. [lol i'm having fun with my ishida/tatsuki drabbles] says:
haha
[nat`] - it's like the tough girl and the geek. [lol i'm having fun with my ishida/tatsuki drabbles] says:
especially when doing drabbles, cos i can't keep an interest in any one bunny for too long
[nat`] - it's like the tough girl and the geek. [lol i'm having fun with my ishida/tatsuki drabbles] says:
the others get jealous. *nods*

[ ` s e a r c h i n g * ] for love
at 11:57 AM